


Online Dating but With More Aliens and a 98% Success Rate

by presidentbees



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Auideas, Dating AU, Future AU, Giftstuck 2015, M/M, cute au, cuties with booties, online dating au, secret santa 2015, yo merry christmas here are some boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 09:29:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5534726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/presidentbees/pseuds/presidentbees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dating in the future is really tricky so Dave turns to a dating AI in order to set him up on a date. Hot aliens ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Online Dating but With More Aliens and a 98% Success Rate

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lunchroom-jesus](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=lunchroom-jesus).



The alien invasion wasn’t so much a conquest as it was a bunch of space refugees descending on Earth and asking for a place to live in exchange for giving humanity their advanced technology. After solving the big issues – cancer, world hunger, AIDS, the whales, etcetera – humanity and alienkind had worked together to solve the real issue: speeddating. Living in a world that’s population had climbed to 15.3 billion in the span of roughly two years, it was near impossible to meet anybody with the same interests; thus, the Temp-Terminal was born.

Replacing standard dating apps, Temp-Terminal analyzed a person’s electronic footprint and matched them with another person – or several persons – who shared their interests. Gone were the days where a person had to pay for dating services that matched them up with people that, at best, landed them with a one-night stand. It was the modern day matchmaker with a 98% success rate for relationships – or at least successful…Associations..

Dave had started using the Temp-Terminal about a year ago, and had only been on one date. It was neat, but it turned out that the person who showed up was like, his long lost twin sister and that was just awkward for everybody. The Temp-Terminal didn’t lie, they were in a relationship, but it was strictly in the professional “you-are-my-unknown-sibling-so-we-are-trying-to-create -the-family-memories-that-neither-one-of-us-got-to-experience-as-kids” kind of way.

Sitting in a Southwestern Bar styled restaurant, Dave tried to look busy while he waited for his temp-match. Dave’s reflective shades responded to the movement of his pupils, scrolling through the endless feed of unread emails; most of them were spam, which he flicked into the trashcan at the lower right corner of his glasses. Clunk, clunk, clunk. Around him. the restaurant buzzed with the 3am crowd of trolls the few insomniac humans.

The Temp-Terminal had arranged for Dave to meet his temp-match at a restaurant that he’d never heard of, and probably would have never tried had the Temp-Terminal not said that it suited both his and Karkat’s – shit, he hoped he’d written the name down right – mutual interests.

Admittedly, Dave kind of liked the look of the place; it was an odd mixture of a western Saloon and a Southern BBQ shack. When he sat himself down on a nearby stool, his gaze was drawn to the small pail of peanuts sitting directly in the center of the table. Around him, other people were haphazardly tossing peanut shells on the floor. Dave didn’t know if that was the norm here, or if everyone just had extremely bad manners. His editor had a raging peanut allergy and Dave debated if he would keel over after taking one breath of air if Dave tried to bring him here. To be honest, it would probably be better to not find out.

“Do you know how many germs are in those things?” Dave minimized his email screen and saw a troll – a really tall troll like holy shit – sit in the stool across from him.

“I watched a documentary on how diseases are spread and the appetizer dish at bars is where you’re most likely to pick up a flesh eating virus. It’s really gross when you think about it. Like how many hands do you think have been in that bowl before you and where had those peoples’ hands been and it’s disgusting when you think about it.

Dave’s mind blanked. “I don’t even like peanuts,” he said as he shelled another.

The two of them looked at each other for a long moment. This was definitely the guy – alien, whatever – that Dave had seen in the temp-match file, but as Karkat pulled out his phone and started to scroll through it, Dave wondered if the Temp-Terminal hadn’t made some kind of mistake because this was not working out. 

“So, do you like any movies?” Inwardly, Dave was dying. Of course Karkat liked movies; everybody liked movies. They were a universal constant next to Red Vines and over enthusiastic sports fans.

Karkat’s ears perked upwards,. “I fucking love movies,” he said, putting his phone away and focusing on Dave. “I would call myself something of a movie connoisseur, or more specifically, an expert in modern Earth Romance Movies.”

“Like what ones?” Dave knew jack shit about romance movies, but his feigned interests sent Karkat off on a rambling tangent about the evolution of the movie cliches becoming popular again – “You know the scene where the secondary character stops the protagonist from departing on the interplanetary spaceship? Such a cliche, but people eat it up.” – four types of romance movies and how Karkat preferred the newer movies coming out, even if they were all based off of older films.

Karkat had talked all through the waiter asking them about their drinks – Dave had ordered them both water – and only paused so that he could order a Blue Rare Steak, and then launched into another speech about why humans really needed to get with the quadrant style of shipping in movies.

Shelling another peanut, Dave allowed himself to get lost on the flood of his temp-match’s gravely accent. It was a refresher to not be the one talking, and Dave had to admit, the Temp-Terminal had done its job pretty fucking admirably.

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the auideas post "Temp-Terminal” AU – AAC December 13th  
> ( http://auideas.tumblr.com/post/135133920407/aac-december-13th )  
> In a world where nearly everything has become an advertisement, people have been promoting themselves as a decent human being even more intensely through the use of “Temp-Terminal,” which are posters that advertise the visages of specific people - with the population of the world only rising, simply meeting someone in a coffee shop is practically unheard of.  
> NOTE: This was very loosely based off the whole prompt. 
> 
> Anyway yeah. I had a lot of fun writing this to be honest. I'm really hoping that i get the chance to write more about these two in the future. To lunchroom-jesus, I hope you have a very happy holidays.


End file.
